Brown skin, brown eyes. Little trouble, white lies. My head in the ground, hers fills the skies. We’ll paint the world, my wife and I.
Maybe it was the way you flirt
Maybe its because you didnt see me as a druggie first
Maybe because you loved me at my worst
Is why I’ll give my life to you
A lil boy went down the chosen path, followed rules and passed every class. School president, 4.0 GPA, volunteerd at the dog pound, and loved to help others, even though by others, he was harassed. This lil boy wanted to change the world, even though the world beat his ass. He decided he needed to change first, relate to prominent problems, personally persevere them to show others that anyone could do it, so he turned down the beaten path. He started starving himself, smoking weed, sneaking out, stealing from others, and dodging cops. He started growing with people he forced himself to be like, got blinded by his goals, and felt the effects of when his heart and brain would clash. Moved on to be homeless, and got addicted to crack. He spiraled down, and lost control so fast, his family saw the struggle, and tried to help the kid who wanted to help others, sat him down and had a lil chat. “You hide behind your hoodie, and under your hats, you look dead, you’ve become secluded, and live like an ally cat”. The lil boy hated what he did and who he became. Couldn’t help others if he couldnt help himself, got so low, he didnt think he could come back, so he tried to kill himself in the back of his van. Swallowed the pills, poisned himself like a fucking rat. Wrote his final note, put it aside for anyone to find. a reminder to his family that he loved them, and that he really did try. Thought forsure he would die, but woke up to an unforgiving light, the sun seeping into his eyes, poking at his broken heart, informing him that its not his time. To his surprise, he was pretty much fine. Covered in vomit and head pounding, but thats alright. Cause At rock bottom, he was finally free to open his mind. This lil boy lived a hard life, but he wanted to experience what others go through. it shaped who he is today, and in the midst of it all the pain, he got his biggest blessing, his beautiful wife. He accepts his decsions, good or bad. He knows they were his choice, decided he didnt want to be addicted anymore, so he rose above it all, and hoped others would hear his voice. He became a soldier, to defend his country, and all her people. Finally made his mamma proud, she can sleep at night knowing her lil boys not going sleeping on the streets, not going to jail. Sister finally lets him visit his niece and nephew, everyone who saw him struggle, who thought he would fail, will watch him succeed, and try to follow his trail. This lil boy slowly improved, struggled with sobriety, but he knew he would find his groove. He knows the struggle well, hes still going through it, and most days it feels like hell. But, hes finally in a stable place, where he genuinely happy, and doing what he set out to do. With the support of his girl, he was determined. He still has a long way to go, thin ice, tight rope, he has everything to lose, more so, he has something to prove. If he could hit rock bottom and overcome it all, then so can you.
Hold out your hand, forever to hold
Until our days are gray and we are old
Until you came along I was never bold
Just a loser with a pen and stories to be told
You helped me get sober, and reach my dreams
There’s no one I’d rather have by my side
Will you marry me?
I am yours and you are mine,
You’re beautiful, smart, sweet, and kind, and I’m sorry I’m not here to hear you cry. I promised you that I won’t die, so dry your tears and clear your eyes, and save a plate, cause I’ll be back in time for dinner.
My only mama.
You’re always right there on my mind, I’ll work hard every day and night, just to see your smile shine so bright. If you fall back then I’ll turn around, no I will never let you down, so hold up your head high and proud, for me. All I do, I do for us, I give you my heart and my trust, and even someday, a diamond ring.
Love of my life.
You are strong as me, and I hope you see, I will love you for eternity. Strong as hell, can’t you tell, raising two kids pretty much by yourself, all alone. You taught me I don’t need wealth, when you have a family graced with health, I love you
I will be, a man like you, gracious, brave, stand tall and true forever. I will be, all I can be. I will show love unconditionally, for those I call my family wherever. I will do, all I can do, I wanna be just like you
I love you all, so don’t be blue, just listen to my song for you. Think about good times we’ve had, and many more that soon will pass. I love you. I love you.
You’re a poser, I need some closer, say you’ve done all these drugs, but I’ve never seen you so much as hungover. Ever tweak for a straight week like me? Ever been weak to the pipe you keep? The one that ruins your life, but calls out like a sweet treat. I don’t care, you’re gonna catch this heat. Opioids, benzos, amphetamines, have you ever fiend? Those drugs aren’t cool and I’m trying to keep my cool, but they way you talk about them makes me drool, cause I’m an addict, a high fanatic, don’t claim to know the struggle if you never had it. Ever felt a comedown? it’s painful and sickening, you’ve never been dope sick, and it sickens me. I’m not proud of my choices, but you should be. You’ve never done a drug in your life man. That’s a cool thing.
Let me explain my side of the story, my honest Intentions, my chance to say sorry. We we’re best friends, together like glue. Our bond was strong, but I did what I had to do. Through thick and thin, we had each others back. Enough was enough, when we fell off track. I tried to hold on, but you slipped through the cracks. But I know, I know, you don’t see it like that. You were there for my failures, bad days, breakthroughs, and heartbreaks. Good times, good fun, every night, till the morning sun. I fucked up, and you never said goodbye. I thank you for that, but I think I know why. We always thought you were helping me up, low and behold, you were the reason I was stuck. I know you tried helping me, but you didn’t do that. You enabled me, and that’s a fact. I wanted us to both succeed, but the sad truth was, you didn’t want to get clean. For whatever reason, you weren’t ready. I had to move on, and that hurt me too, but I wanted a life that I could look forward to. Hearing you overdosed left my head at a loss. That could’ve been me when I was blackout and lost. I’m Happy I’m sober, I’m happy with life, I’m happy with ashlee, I’m happy I tried. Life is a series of choices, it’s all up to you. Sometimes your least favorite option is the one you should do. Like it or not, you know it’s true. Life is beautiful when your world isn’t blue. The sun is brighter, the grass the greener, the air is fresh, and things taste sweeter. I hope you took time to read this letter, because I want you to know that sober isn’t a feeling, but it does feel better